New River Reserve Cannabis

Reserved for those who dream of gorge-country legalization

⚠️ This brand does not exist.

Premium single-origin fictional cannabis from the New River Gorge reserve collection — rare, dramatic, and completely pretend.

Flower

Products by New River Reserve Cannabis

New River Reserve Gelato

New River Reserve Gelato

Flower / Hybrid

THC 25.0%

$55.00 / 1/8 oz

Reserve-grade Gelato from the gorge reserve. Sweet and dramatic as the New Ri...

by New River Reserve Cannabis

New River Reserve Trainwreck

New River Reserve Trainwreck

Flower / Sativa

THC 21.5%

$46.00 / 1/8 oz

Reserve-grade fictional Trainwreck from the New River gorge. Derails as drama...

by New River Reserve Cannabis

New River Reserve Sherbert

New River Reserve Sherbert

Edibles / Gummies

THC 23.5%

$50.00 / 1/8 oz

Sweet Sherbert from the New River Reserve — as colorful as gorge foliage in f...

by New River Reserve Cannabis

Satire Ends Here

While the rest of this site is a joke, cannabis prohibition is not funny. Opiates and hard drugs are devastating communities. Cannabis is not the enemy. Here's how to take real action in West Virginia:

Advocacy Organizations

The nation's largest cannabis advocacy organization, working to reform marijuana laws since 1970.

Marijuana Policy Project National

The largest organization working to end marijuana prohibition in the US.

Contact Your US Senators

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⚠️ SATIRE DISCLOSURE

This is a work of political satire. All store names, brand names, products, and events on this site are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real businesses is coincidental. No cannabis is sold here. This site exists to highlight the absurdity of prohibition and to connect people with real advocacy resources.

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