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⚠️ TOTALLY FAKE WEBSITE — This is political satire. No cannabis is sold here. Cannabis is not legal in this state. ⚠️

New River Deep Relief Lotion

As deep as the gorge, as fake as the FDA approval

⚠️ This brand does not exist.

Deep-penetrating fictional cannabis lotion inspired by the profound gorge depth of West Virginia's ancient New River.

Topicals

Products by New River Deep Relief Lotion

New River Deep Relief Lotion
New River Deep Relief Lotion
Topicals / Lotion
THC 12.0%
$44.00 / 1 oz lotion
As deep as the gorge, this fictional lotion penetrates imaginary muscle soren...
by New River Deep Relief Lotion

Satire Ends Here

While the rest of this site is a joke, cannabis prohibition is not funny. Opiates and hard drugs are devastating communities. Cannabis is not the enemy. Here's how to take real action in West Virginia:

Advocacy Organizations

NORML National
The nation's largest cannabis advocacy organization, working to reform marijuana laws since 1970.
Marijuana Policy Project National
The largest organization working to end marijuana prohibition in the US.

Contact Your US Senators

Federal legalization requires federal action. Tell your senators where you stand.

For state legislators, visit openstates.org — enter your address to find your representatives.

Other States Also Waiting for Legalization

Alabama Fake Cannabis Finder
Arkansas Fake Cannabis Finder
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Tennessee Fake Cannabis Finder
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Wisconsin Fake Cannabis Finder
Wyoming Fake Cannabis Finder

FREE STATES — Where Adults Can Legally Enjoy Cannabis

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⚠️ SATIRE DISCLOSURE

This is a work of political satire. All store names, brand names, products, and events on this site are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real businesses is coincidental. No cannabis is sold here. This site exists to highlight the absurdity of prohibition and to connect people with real advocacy resources.

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⚠️ TOTALLY FAKE WEBSITE — This is political satire. No cannabis is sold here. Cannabis is not legal in this state. ⚠️