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⚠️ TOTALLY FAKE WEBSITE — This is political satire. No cannabis is sold here. Cannabis is not legal in this state. ⚠️

New River Chocolatier

Chocolate as old as the New River, fiction as new

⚠️ This brand does not exist.

Gorge-adjacent imaginary chocolate cannabis bars from New River Chocolatier, crafted in the oldest fictional mountain town.

Edibles

Products by New River Chocolatier

New River Chocolatier Gelato Dark Bar
New River Chocolatier Gelato Dark Bar
Edibles / Chocolate
THC 12.0%
$22.00 / 1 bar
Dark chocolate Gelato bar from the gorge-adjacent imaginary chocolatier. Pair...
by New River Chocolatier
New River Chocolatier Dark Pineapple Bar
New River Chocolatier Dark Pineapple Bar
Edibles / Chocolate
THC 10.0%
$22.00 / 1 bar
Tropical dark chocolate pineapple bar from the gorge imaginary chocolatier. T...
by New River Chocolatier

Satire Ends Here

While the rest of this site is a joke, cannabis prohibition is not funny. Opiates and hard drugs are devastating communities. Cannabis is not the enemy. Here's how to take real action in West Virginia:

Advocacy Organizations

NORML National
The nation's largest cannabis advocacy organization, working to reform marijuana laws since 1970.
Marijuana Policy Project National
The largest organization working to end marijuana prohibition in the US.

Contact Your US Senators

Federal legalization requires federal action. Tell your senators where you stand.

For state legislators, visit openstates.org — enter your address to find your representatives.

Other States Also Waiting for Legalization

Alabama Fake Cannabis Finder
Arkansas Fake Cannabis Finder
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Georgia Fake Cannabis Finder
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Oklahoma Fake Cannabis Finder
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South Carolina Fake Cannabis Finder
South Dakota Fake Cannabis Finder
Tennessee Fake Cannabis Finder
Texas Fake Cannabis Finder
Utah Fake Cannabis Finder
Wisconsin Fake Cannabis Finder
Wyoming Fake Cannabis Finder

FREE STATES — Where Adults Can Legally Enjoy Cannabis

These states chose freedom. Find real dispensaries at WeedStores.US.

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⚠️ SATIRE DISCLOSURE

This is a work of political satire. All store names, brand names, products, and events on this site are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real businesses is coincidental. No cannabis is sold here. This site exists to highlight the absurdity of prohibition and to connect people with real advocacy resources.

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⚠️ TOTALLY FAKE WEBSITE — This is political satire. No cannabis is sold here. Cannabis is not legal in this state. ⚠️