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⚠️ TOTALLY FAKE WEBSITE — This is political satire. No cannabis is sold here. Cannabis is not legal in this state. ⚠️

Mountaineer Muscle Balm

For muscles that climbed an imaginary mountain

⚠️ This brand does not exist.

Fictional cannabis balm for the West Virginia mountaineer whose joints hurt from climbing peaks both real and imaginary.

Topicals

Products by Mountaineer Muscle Balm

Mountaineer Muscle Gorge Balm
Mountaineer Muscle Gorge Balm
Topicals / Balm
THC 10.0%
$35.00 / 1 oz balm
Deep-relief fictional cannabis balm for the Mountaineer whose climbing muscle...
by Mountaineer Muscle Balm
Mountaineer Muscle Trail Patch
Mountaineer Muscle Trail Patch
Topicals / Patch
THC 7.0%
$48.00 / 1 patch
Mountaineer trail patch for summit day. Apply at the trailhead, pretend it's ...
by Mountaineer Muscle Balm

Satire Ends Here

While the rest of this site is a joke, cannabis prohibition is not funny. Opiates and hard drugs are devastating communities. Cannabis is not the enemy. Here's how to take real action in West Virginia:

Advocacy Organizations

NORML National
The nation's largest cannabis advocacy organization, working to reform marijuana laws since 1970.
Marijuana Policy Project National
The largest organization working to end marijuana prohibition in the US.

Contact Your US Senators

Federal legalization requires federal action. Tell your senators where you stand.

For state legislators, visit openstates.org — enter your address to find your representatives.

Other States Also Waiting for Legalization

Alabama Fake Cannabis Finder
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Wyoming Fake Cannabis Finder

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⚠️ SATIRE DISCLOSURE

This is a work of political satire. All store names, brand names, products, and events on this site are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real businesses is coincidental. No cannabis is sold here. This site exists to highlight the absurdity of prohibition and to connect people with real advocacy resources.

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⚠️ TOTALLY FAKE WEBSITE — This is political satire. No cannabis is sold here. Cannabis is not legal in this state. ⚠️